Why is it every time I see a person, a thing, or find someone who acts like/reminds me of my ex, I instantly make a disgusted face and cannot find any sympathy for them? Am I really that bitter?
Like I told my counselor, I think once my baby is born and I can sort out all the shit involved, I will feel better. I can stop worrying or fretting. Still being pregnant and not knowing if he's going to show up out of the blue at some point or something makes me a nervous wreck inside. I feel it like a shadow hanging over my head. I just want to stop feeling that way.
I feel truly terrible. Mainly because a guy I would never have come across in a million years most likely had posted something about going to go kill himself which was reblogged by someone I follow, and I looked at his blog and he reminded me so much of my ex. I spent a few minutes trying to confirm it was not him. I feel bad because I have no sympathy, or very little of it. I certainly do not want the guy to die, and I sincerely hope he has help. But there was an instant of me simply feeling bitterness because he reminded me excessively of my ex. That's not fair of me to do, and I feel horrible that I still have this resentment. I'm certain it will eventually go away.
I think if I had some means of venting effectively or getting some sort of solid closure, I would feel better. I know closure is a myth, and as long as I have to have any sort of contact with my ex, I can't fully let go of how I feel. I am no saint by any means, but I feel so wronged in a lot of ways and I feel I need some kind of justice.
Again, my heart goes out to that guy. I hope he gets help and doesn't actually die.
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